The Blood

This will be a blog about my period once again, I hope not to gross anyone out. But if you are said individual who is grossed out by said things, I strongly suggest to stop reading now and find something else to do.

It has now been about six months and a variety of things have been tried. It all began last November, when all of a sudden my period began when it had just ended about a week before. I had never seen anything like this - it was coming out in clots. The biggest one I saw was about the size of a tea cup saucer that literally went "SPLAT" on the shower floor. I actually bent down and picked it up, it was a solid, like a piece of liver. "What IS this?!" I thought to myself. This was something, but what? I actually feared I was having a miscarriage, but tests showed otherwise.

Was it a thyroid condition? The Nuvaring? Too much or too little hormones? Everything was tried. A camera was inserted, they found a fibroid in me. The first freaky thing was a fibroid as well. Then the second one exploded in February. At the last appointment they said that they don't know what's wrong with me. So the ring was taken out, and now I am hemorrhaging out of control. The clots are enormous, the blood just keeps coming and coming and coming. I can't do much of anything anymore. I can't work out, I feel like I am constantly rotating around a public bathroom, and I feel constantly weak because of all the blood loss. Where is this blood coming from and why is it happening to me?

I am facing another possibility that I am honestly afraid of : the fact that they might take everything out of me. I've been asked if I was interested in permanent birth control, I said no to it. If I am this crazy now, then I will be extra unstable should they do that surgery on me. And though I am afraid to say it either publicly or privately, I have not truly given up on the possibility of having children. But when you encounter nothing but assholes who don't want them at all times (or say that they don't), and the ones who seem to don't want you, then you get a condescending pat on the head saying "Oh don't worry, you'll find it" and then have to look at the blood that splatters all over the place and have it run down your leg and ruin your clothes and you have to go out and buy a whole new pack of Haynes underwear, it makes you crazy. I even took a photo of it on my phone and am considering uploading it onto Facebook just to prove to others that I am not making this up as a weird attempt to get attention or something. It's one of those moments that makes you realize why it is that one should go take a rest in a hospital someplace. You're cranky, you're crazy, you feel like everything is falling apart around you somewhere, and you have nothing but your insanity to push you further over the edge.

Maybe I will upload that photo after all.

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