Nostalgia
During the past few days I began working on a rather hilarious project, quite by accident. I went to my parents' house to look in the cedar closet for some old clothes to give to a friend who gets a big kick out of wearing clothes with the same name as my high school. (Want to know? Look on my friend list and connect the dots with my information and you'll see.) I came across my old photo album that I kept from roughly 4th grade on. It was the mid 80s so it was the peak of big hair (either just the hairspray and hot rollers until we moved onto crimping), and we all had hideous crap haircuts. Not to mention the fashion choices we beyond belief. I had a wonderful time tagging people and letting them see how young and cute we all were before life really REALLY started to suck. However, as my twentieth is coming up for high school soon, and I have also been to my fair share of reunions in the past, it got me to thinking about how and why people do and do not attend their reunions when sent an invite.
Why do people attend?
This answer is quite obvious to me and most others, which is to relive the good old days and play "remember when?" We also assume that those who return to be with their old classmates like to also play the "look how good I turned out" game as well. But, that's not always true. If education is/was the measure of success, that is not always the primary indicator. Just as many who attend did not achieve successes in their educational careers after high school, nor did they have as many successes in their personal lives either. Those who do return say that they like to go back and relive the good old days because that was a happier time in their lives. Not always the case either, as I would have to say that I am far happier and more popular now than I was back then. Perhaps I fall into the "look how successful I am" category after all. There are just as many who would say that they did not fit into their peer groups back then, but the unhappiness felt then does not seem to carry over into their adult lives.
As to those who do not attend, their reasons are rather obvious as well. Most sight time, money and travel as their main reasons for not attending. Then there is the classic dislike of classmates that they do not want to see again, or they want to see a certain person or people who they know will not be attending. This suggests a fear of loneliness or being left out of something. And many say that they do not feel very good about their present lives ("I've gained so much weight", "I'm not as successful financially", etc.). This really surprises me when I think about those who do not attend based on these reasons. Because when I was in high school, I assumed that The Bitches would want to relive all their happy memories of being Mean Girls and whatnot, but none of them ever show to my reunions. And of those who never show to the junior high school set certainly were popular enough back then. Maybe it's loneliness once again, thinking that they will not be accepted when they were really so insecure.
It seems to get more important to us as we age. Many return in the hopes of striking up "new friendships" with old friends and acquaintances. Does that happen? Maybe. We also seem to like to talk about life's changes, observe others, and how they have or haven't changed over time. For those who are approaching retirement age, it seems to be most important as they would like to keep track of those from the past. Some like to compare themselves to their other returnees. And we like to talk about those who didn't return and what they have / haven't done since then. Maybe it's the outlook that has changed.
And then there are the tragedies. Did we see them coming? One boy I went to junior high school with is now dead (that I know of). He had a long struggle with addictions and mental illness, one day he ended it all by jumping off a bridge and drowning in the river. Someone at a boating club found him the next day floating face down in the river. Another girl I went to kindergarden with was the victim of ruffies - someone slipped her something and she fell into the river and drowned. Did we ever see the future criminals, alcoholics and wife beaters then? What about all the closeted homosexuals and bipolar disorders? They were there too.
I guess I truly have no answers, except that nostalgia is a good time when you let it be. But he who is proud of the haircut, fashions, and opinions they sported 20 years ago can cast the first stone.
Why do people attend?
This answer is quite obvious to me and most others, which is to relive the good old days and play "remember when?" We also assume that those who return to be with their old classmates like to also play the "look how good I turned out" game as well. But, that's not always true. If education is/was the measure of success, that is not always the primary indicator. Just as many who attend did not achieve successes in their educational careers after high school, nor did they have as many successes in their personal lives either. Those who do return say that they like to go back and relive the good old days because that was a happier time in their lives. Not always the case either, as I would have to say that I am far happier and more popular now than I was back then. Perhaps I fall into the "look how successful I am" category after all. There are just as many who would say that they did not fit into their peer groups back then, but the unhappiness felt then does not seem to carry over into their adult lives.
As to those who do not attend, their reasons are rather obvious as well. Most sight time, money and travel as their main reasons for not attending. Then there is the classic dislike of classmates that they do not want to see again, or they want to see a certain person or people who they know will not be attending. This suggests a fear of loneliness or being left out of something. And many say that they do not feel very good about their present lives ("I've gained so much weight", "I'm not as successful financially", etc.). This really surprises me when I think about those who do not attend based on these reasons. Because when I was in high school, I assumed that The Bitches would want to relive all their happy memories of being Mean Girls and whatnot, but none of them ever show to my reunions. And of those who never show to the junior high school set certainly were popular enough back then. Maybe it's loneliness once again, thinking that they will not be accepted when they were really so insecure.
It seems to get more important to us as we age. Many return in the hopes of striking up "new friendships" with old friends and acquaintances. Does that happen? Maybe. We also seem to like to talk about life's changes, observe others, and how they have or haven't changed over time. For those who are approaching retirement age, it seems to be most important as they would like to keep track of those from the past. Some like to compare themselves to their other returnees. And we like to talk about those who didn't return and what they have / haven't done since then. Maybe it's the outlook that has changed.
And then there are the tragedies. Did we see them coming? One boy I went to junior high school with is now dead (that I know of). He had a long struggle with addictions and mental illness, one day he ended it all by jumping off a bridge and drowning in the river. Someone at a boating club found him the next day floating face down in the river. Another girl I went to kindergarden with was the victim of ruffies - someone slipped her something and she fell into the river and drowned. Did we ever see the future criminals, alcoholics and wife beaters then? What about all the closeted homosexuals and bipolar disorders? They were there too.
I guess I truly have no answers, except that nostalgia is a good time when you let it be. But he who is proud of the haircut, fashions, and opinions they sported 20 years ago can cast the first stone.
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