The road not traveled

Tonight I went out to dinner and ate a semi lousy meal (that was really due to the foot dragging of the staff, plus the fact that the grilled cheese was something I could've eaten at home), then went to the local Dave & Buster's to play games.  Marq was all stoked about air hockey, and yes he beat me.  Then we played one of those basketball games to get as many shots in the hoop in 30 seconds (I won a few of those games, but I lost track of how many we actually played), and then we played House of the Dead 2 where we didn't win but I scored higher than he did on it.  As we decided to sit at the bar and drink milkshakes, I passed by this man who I was sure I knew somehow.  We may have made eye contact and for a split second, I said to Marq that I saw this man in a stripped sweater back there and he looked so familiar to me.  I looked a few times in that direction thinking that I would see him again, but no such luck.  After a final air hockey game (and yes, I was beaten twice in a row), we were on our way out when Marq said he had to go to the bathroom.  I lingered outside the men's room hallway and then spotted that same man again.  His first name started with a D, I remembered that much, so I decided his name must be David.  I approached him near this flashing tower game and said "Excuse me, are you Dave ___?"  He said his name was Dan ____, and I said "Oh, you were the brother of my high school sweetheart!"  I took off my knit cap, pulled my hair out of the ponytail and headband and let it all go loose around my head.  He said "Oh yes! I recognize you now with that!"  And of course since I still manage to look like I'm 18 save for a few grey hairs here and there, I look the same.  We had a chat, and once Marq got out of the bathroom I introduced them. 

We chatted for all of five minutes, I asked how my high school sweetheart was.  He's married, has two little kids, lives on the East Side and is partner in a law firm in town.  I think I had heard that at some point.  I also know a guy who I see at someone's annual Hanukkah party who remembers me at all times because he works at said same firm.  He said every time he sees him (the high school sweetheart) and me, he is always baffled.  What would have happened if he had married a cool girl like me?  Dan is also doing well, I met his son who was standing by, and he has another, older one who was also somewhere in the arcade section.  I caught him up on what I'd been doing, then we said our good-byes and that was that.

It made me think about what would have been.  What would life have been like if I had gone down that road?  In some ways I think I could've been part of that world.  I would most likely be a mommy, I would be living in the suburbs.  Would I be working or would I be a full time wife/mother?  That I don't know.  Maybe I'd be religiously watching Martha Stewart on how to decorate my house or make cuisine and finding my own "good things".  I'd be part of the carpool set, going to salad luncheons or Bible study and worrying about braces and getting my colors bright and my whites white.  Perhaps I would've gone down another career road and become a junior executive / yuppie scum in a power suit.  But, I knew I wouldn't have been very happy.  I wanted to see where the action is/was, and I did.  I was and am just a bit too edgy for that.

Would I have learned everything that I have already?  Most likely not.  Would I have seen all the things that I have seen both in my own backyard or all over the world?  Probably not.  Would I have discovered a-ha and gotten to jet all over the world for them and eventually meet Morten?  Certainly not.  But do I want to trade any of those things of what was for what could've been?  No, I wouldn't.  Because what could've been is not in my vocabulary, it's for every loser who's left me in the dust not me.  Life is good, I have more than most have even with this horrible economy and pressures upon all of us.  No regrets.  I'm free.