2014 A Look Back
It's now the end of the year, and it is once again time to wax poetic and reflect on the lessons of this past year. 2014 had its ups and downs as most recent years have been, but unlike last year, I face the new year with more hope than the last year brought me and all of us.
The biggest accomplishments of this year were in educational, professional and artistic achievements. I finally finished the degree and made it through the machine of CSU. It was a rough road, one that I did not anticipate would be as such but I learned as everyone else does when they start down the path. The last two classes were taken, the last assignments were graded and submitted, and, at last, the degree was earned. It's easy to see why it is that people drop out of the place because they make it so hard for you to actually graduate from the institution, you get so frustrated with the changing and the nagging. If there is one thing I can tell anyone out there who is currently enrolled or thinking of enrolling, it is to say not to give up. You too can make it there, you just have to play the game and accept the fact that this is how it is. And remember, CSU wants you to do all this nonsense but if you are actually teaching (no matter what the subject) that's a different ballgame. Nevermind the hypocricy of our educational system (found in CSU or any other school you happen to be in if you want to be a teacher). And that teachers are gossipy little bitches like they are in any office setting, your coworkers are not your friends, and mind your own business. Don't even offer the smallest bit of personal information, engage others in casual conversation, and don't comment on anything save for the basics. Most interactions with students are pleasant ones, it's the political foolishness and the disorganization of the adults that will make you angry. Plus, in whatever school you end up teaching in, call all the men teachers "guy" and the women teachers "miss" when you talk to them about anything. ("Hey guy!", "Hello miss!", etc.) because if you call them by their first names you'll get in trouble even if there is as little as a five year difference between your and their ages. People love to abuse others, and if you are not receiving abuse from others, those who are being abused will hate you for it. Patience and acceptance are taken to another level unlike anything you have ever thought possible, but teaching can be a rewarding experience if you let it be. And it is rewarding once you get past the miserable things.
Happy to say I have a job as well, I am happy with the company where I am and happy with what I am doing. The ESL / Special world is different than the regular educational world, and it's quite pleasant to interact with those who have English as their Second Language. True, many who I have encountered during my first year teaching already seemed to have a grasp on speaking the language (save for one non-English speaking kindergarten student), but it's rewarded nonetheless. Someday I hope to teach ESL to adult learners because they are the most pleasant possible to work with, but that's further down the road which I will get to someday. It is wonderful to be able to break through a language barrier and get someone to understand even the smallest word or phrase or expression, and there will always be a need for this, especially as we are now facing the changes that immigration is thrusting upon the US. Where will I go in the future? I'm not sure. In January I plan to take the test to officially get the license, which leaves me nervous but I am sure it will be ok. I might have to leave the area, I'll see what will happen to me as I go forward and people answer sent resumes.
Artistically, I am very happy to say, I made a lot of steps forward to a good place. In January of last year, I had my first art show at the Doubting Thomas gallery in Tremont. It started off as a small pet project and morphed into a show of over 75 acrylic paintings of the entire catalogue of DC Comics Justice League characters. Heroes and villians got their just displays in a themed night of Uber Man (a.k.a. Superman), had the whole back room to myself. Most if not all of the paintings are still in storage at the gallery because it is more or less a broom closet compared to a more high ended gallery. So if anyone reading this is interested in a purchase, I will gladly accept payment and hope that some of them can grace your home's walls with their radiance. Ha ha ha ... In the last few years I have joined a wonderful theater company in Tremont that produces edgy, underground plays. While I have volunteered my time and energies towards the unskilled but necessary labor involved in managing the house and striking / building sets, I admit, I always wanted to be an actress. My last acting role in a play was when I played Nun #4 in The Sounds of Music in the 7th grade. I even remember the one line I had "Is he handsome?" The next year, there was some discipline issue that eliminated the 8th grade from participating in the next play (whatever that was) and they ended up swaying away from mass cast production musicals for many years afterward. After that, it seemed to be the end of my acting career, such as it was. Being a part of Convergence Continuum, however, restoked my fire to do this and seeing all the wonderful people around me. I decided that one is never too old or inexperienced to start doing something, so I started auditioning for parts there and in other theaters around the city. I have not made the cut in anything yet, but some directors were thoughtful enough to tell me that I was their second casting choice for the part in question. I'm not sure if they are telling me the truth or if they are just saying this because I had known them before the readings, but it gives me hope. I am, like the proverbial little engine that could, just wanting that one chance to show what I have in order to get one part. I am not alone in this venture by any means, but one has to keep on trying in order to make something happen for themselves. I even got my first movie role beyond being an extra, but that was already documented in other blogs.
Speaking of old, I turned 40 at last. I'm not old, I'm not young, but I am where I should be mentally and physically. The best part of it is that since 40 is the new 30, I am happy that I have achieved it. Physically and mentally I am happy. I should be happy that part of this "40 is the new 30" attitude is that as a woman you still have to look like a woman in your twenties, and that seemed to happen with the dramatic weight loss a few years ago. Careerwise it's not great where I should be in life, but since this economy went downhill faster and with more devastating effects than we thought possible, I continue to struggle for air. A lot of nonsense is behind me, a lot of lessons were learned (good and bad) about the world and people around me, and I feel I know a lot of things that I did not before. It's a gift to be able to live to this age, I know so many who didn't or who threw it all away for something ridiculous or foolish. Some I have seen who are as tall as they are wide now, but I was able to put on my high school uniform on my 40th birthday. It was only a little tight, but it fit. Doubtful that I will be able to do that when I turn 50, but we shall see what we see.
And with that, I look to the future and decide that this decade will be a good one. There will be no more battles that I have not fought and suffered the consequences from. I will be good to others, others will be good to me. Life is good. Make it so.
The biggest accomplishments of this year were in educational, professional and artistic achievements. I finally finished the degree and made it through the machine of CSU. It was a rough road, one that I did not anticipate would be as such but I learned as everyone else does when they start down the path. The last two classes were taken, the last assignments were graded and submitted, and, at last, the degree was earned. It's easy to see why it is that people drop out of the place because they make it so hard for you to actually graduate from the institution, you get so frustrated with the changing and the nagging. If there is one thing I can tell anyone out there who is currently enrolled or thinking of enrolling, it is to say not to give up. You too can make it there, you just have to play the game and accept the fact that this is how it is. And remember, CSU wants you to do all this nonsense but if you are actually teaching (no matter what the subject) that's a different ballgame. Nevermind the hypocricy of our educational system (found in CSU or any other school you happen to be in if you want to be a teacher). And that teachers are gossipy little bitches like they are in any office setting, your coworkers are not your friends, and mind your own business. Don't even offer the smallest bit of personal information, engage others in casual conversation, and don't comment on anything save for the basics. Most interactions with students are pleasant ones, it's the political foolishness and the disorganization of the adults that will make you angry. Plus, in whatever school you end up teaching in, call all the men teachers "guy" and the women teachers "miss" when you talk to them about anything. ("Hey guy!", "Hello miss!", etc.) because if you call them by their first names you'll get in trouble even if there is as little as a five year difference between your and their ages. People love to abuse others, and if you are not receiving abuse from others, those who are being abused will hate you for it. Patience and acceptance are taken to another level unlike anything you have ever thought possible, but teaching can be a rewarding experience if you let it be. And it is rewarding once you get past the miserable things.
Happy to say I have a job as well, I am happy with the company where I am and happy with what I am doing. The ESL / Special world is different than the regular educational world, and it's quite pleasant to interact with those who have English as their Second Language. True, many who I have encountered during my first year teaching already seemed to have a grasp on speaking the language (save for one non-English speaking kindergarten student), but it's rewarded nonetheless. Someday I hope to teach ESL to adult learners because they are the most pleasant possible to work with, but that's further down the road which I will get to someday. It is wonderful to be able to break through a language barrier and get someone to understand even the smallest word or phrase or expression, and there will always be a need for this, especially as we are now facing the changes that immigration is thrusting upon the US. Where will I go in the future? I'm not sure. In January I plan to take the test to officially get the license, which leaves me nervous but I am sure it will be ok. I might have to leave the area, I'll see what will happen to me as I go forward and people answer sent resumes.
Artistically, I am very happy to say, I made a lot of steps forward to a good place. In January of last year, I had my first art show at the Doubting Thomas gallery in Tremont. It started off as a small pet project and morphed into a show of over 75 acrylic paintings of the entire catalogue of DC Comics Justice League characters. Heroes and villians got their just displays in a themed night of Uber Man (a.k.a. Superman), had the whole back room to myself. Most if not all of the paintings are still in storage at the gallery because it is more or less a broom closet compared to a more high ended gallery. So if anyone reading this is interested in a purchase, I will gladly accept payment and hope that some of them can grace your home's walls with their radiance. Ha ha ha ... In the last few years I have joined a wonderful theater company in Tremont that produces edgy, underground plays. While I have volunteered my time and energies towards the unskilled but necessary labor involved in managing the house and striking / building sets, I admit, I always wanted to be an actress. My last acting role in a play was when I played Nun #4 in The Sounds of Music in the 7th grade. I even remember the one line I had "Is he handsome?" The next year, there was some discipline issue that eliminated the 8th grade from participating in the next play (whatever that was) and they ended up swaying away from mass cast production musicals for many years afterward. After that, it seemed to be the end of my acting career, such as it was. Being a part of Convergence Continuum, however, restoked my fire to do this and seeing all the wonderful people around me. I decided that one is never too old or inexperienced to start doing something, so I started auditioning for parts there and in other theaters around the city. I have not made the cut in anything yet, but some directors were thoughtful enough to tell me that I was their second casting choice for the part in question. I'm not sure if they are telling me the truth or if they are just saying this because I had known them before the readings, but it gives me hope. I am, like the proverbial little engine that could, just wanting that one chance to show what I have in order to get one part. I am not alone in this venture by any means, but one has to keep on trying in order to make something happen for themselves. I even got my first movie role beyond being an extra, but that was already documented in other blogs.
Speaking of old, I turned 40 at last. I'm not old, I'm not young, but I am where I should be mentally and physically. The best part of it is that since 40 is the new 30, I am happy that I have achieved it. Physically and mentally I am happy. I should be happy that part of this "40 is the new 30" attitude is that as a woman you still have to look like a woman in your twenties, and that seemed to happen with the dramatic weight loss a few years ago. Careerwise it's not great where I should be in life, but since this economy went downhill faster and with more devastating effects than we thought possible, I continue to struggle for air. A lot of nonsense is behind me, a lot of lessons were learned (good and bad) about the world and people around me, and I feel I know a lot of things that I did not before. It's a gift to be able to live to this age, I know so many who didn't or who threw it all away for something ridiculous or foolish. Some I have seen who are as tall as they are wide now, but I was able to put on my high school uniform on my 40th birthday. It was only a little tight, but it fit. Doubtful that I will be able to do that when I turn 50, but we shall see what we see.
And with that, I look to the future and decide that this decade will be a good one. There will be no more battles that I have not fought and suffered the consequences from. I will be good to others, others will be good to me. Life is good. Make it so.
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