The Virgin Queen
Years ago I was sitting with a fellow coworker and was trying to have a chat about things, some ice breakers and getting to know you type of questions. I said when I was a little kid I wanted to become a superhero of some kind, hoping that I would discover, like in the folklore of Superman, that I would find that mysterious person or event that would transform, change or awaken a mysterious power or force within me that would give me the invincible powers I needed (super strength, the power of flight, x ray vision, etc.) in order to become one. Of course, I realized that was downright silly and it wasn't going to happen, but in the innocence of youth you hope for things like that. I asked the coworker before me what she wanted to be when she was a little kid when she grew up. Instead of an astronaut or cowboy or movie star, she said "I figured whatever would happen to me would happen to me." Of this answer I was disappointed, but have found this to be the case with much of the world, to find people with no dreams or hopes or wants other than nothingness.
On another note, I have found that when others do have hopes and dreams and projects and plans, it tends to make others angry or jealous or downright spiteful. Tell others of your wants and they get annoyed with you that you are living in a world of exotic travel, realizing your dreams or achieving things when they don't and they will lash out at you. Such a thing happened to me many years ago on my first job, telling me that they hated me for my status in life and my foolishness of thinking that I will achieve. Many can and will say depressing things to you in this. When I was in my early twenties, many of the women I worked with told me things like I thought I was better than all of them. And one day I'd meet a horrible man who will come along and ruin my life and then I'll be like them and mired in their misery with delinquent children, in debt and obese. This so far has not been the case; and yet, another curious phenomenon has taken place. Now that I am pushing forty they all like to accuse me of being gay. Of this I am not surprised, as I learned that misery loves to turn itself on others in other ways. Once you have passed a certain point in life, the misery changes directions. So I had to create another, rather mysterious persona for myself when one is living in such an age of sharing countless amounts of information with others on the Internet.
Some have called me rather cold and standoffish with others, a recently made friend said that I am not that but rather I carry myself like a queen. True, I have found that others seem to like and pay a lot of attention to trashy girls or those who behave trashy (ex. Paris Hilton), but they don't seem to get the respect they deserve. In this, I have borrowed from Elizabeth I in order to become who I am. While staring at a statue of the Virgin Mary in a church, Elizabeth asks her most trusted advisor "Am I to be made of stone? Am I to be touched by nothing?" Her advisor, Lord Walingsham, said it must be if she was to reigne supreme. All men need something greater than themselves to look up to, to be able to touch the divine on Earth. My motivation is not religious in nature, but rather mythological to become such as Elizabeth did to emulate the Virgin Mary. She inspires such devotion in men's hearts as the untouchable and pure of spirit. I shall not cut my hair off and done a white face in a fine dress and sit upon my throne, but I made a vow to carry myself with the grace and dignity of a queen. When people ask me to tell of my sex life, I simply say "I am a nun", or "I am a virgin". Some may argue otherwise (you know who you are), but I shall simply stay aloof to them and give a mysterious smile. Some may argue that it's the reaction of a bitter person, but that's what I have learned. Can't give away all my secrets at once, can I?
On another note, I have found that when others do have hopes and dreams and projects and plans, it tends to make others angry or jealous or downright spiteful. Tell others of your wants and they get annoyed with you that you are living in a world of exotic travel, realizing your dreams or achieving things when they don't and they will lash out at you. Such a thing happened to me many years ago on my first job, telling me that they hated me for my status in life and my foolishness of thinking that I will achieve. Many can and will say depressing things to you in this. When I was in my early twenties, many of the women I worked with told me things like I thought I was better than all of them. And one day I'd meet a horrible man who will come along and ruin my life and then I'll be like them and mired in their misery with delinquent children, in debt and obese. This so far has not been the case; and yet, another curious phenomenon has taken place. Now that I am pushing forty they all like to accuse me of being gay. Of this I am not surprised, as I learned that misery loves to turn itself on others in other ways. Once you have passed a certain point in life, the misery changes directions. So I had to create another, rather mysterious persona for myself when one is living in such an age of sharing countless amounts of information with others on the Internet.
Some have called me rather cold and standoffish with others, a recently made friend said that I am not that but rather I carry myself like a queen. True, I have found that others seem to like and pay a lot of attention to trashy girls or those who behave trashy (ex. Paris Hilton), but they don't seem to get the respect they deserve. In this, I have borrowed from Elizabeth I in order to become who I am. While staring at a statue of the Virgin Mary in a church, Elizabeth asks her most trusted advisor "Am I to be made of stone? Am I to be touched by nothing?" Her advisor, Lord Walingsham, said it must be if she was to reigne supreme. All men need something greater than themselves to look up to, to be able to touch the divine on Earth. My motivation is not religious in nature, but rather mythological to become such as Elizabeth did to emulate the Virgin Mary. She inspires such devotion in men's hearts as the untouchable and pure of spirit. I shall not cut my hair off and done a white face in a fine dress and sit upon my throne, but I made a vow to carry myself with the grace and dignity of a queen. When people ask me to tell of my sex life, I simply say "I am a nun", or "I am a virgin". Some may argue otherwise (you know who you are), but I shall simply stay aloof to them and give a mysterious smile. Some may argue that it's the reaction of a bitter person, but that's what I have learned. Can't give away all my secrets at once, can I?
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