Living the dream
Today I went online to register for my final CSU class which will begin in January. Part of me is sad that this has come to an end, as I have truly thrived and enjoyed this (and all previous) academia. I have learned a lot about myself and others, knowing what I do and don't want out of life through these last years. Part of me is angry at the world and how it has treated all of us, this economy took a horrible dive, our world has changed quite a bit, and we are here living in the horror story of it. Corporate jobs have all but dried up for most, we are living hand to mouth and in debt up to our armpits. We have every reason to be bitter, and yet, I am filled with hope and many dreams at this moment. Why now and not before? There are several reasons.
1) The Scene - Ever since I came into The Scene 16 years ago, I have managed to surround myself with creative, talented people from all walks of life. Much of it was centered around partying of course, but since we are older and wiser now, our lives are no longer revolving around seeing live music as an excuse to drink and smoke. You can do that in front of the TV any day of the week. Now, we want to do, and we want to do better. Many can say that The Scene has a dark side to it which we all dove into headfirst, but now I have embraced the idealism of it. There are millions of things out there that we can do with out time, and since there was a point that we completely stopped caring about money and our financial well being, I too have said this.
2) Work - Work is one of the universals in life, something that all before us must do in order to survive. At least, that was a true statement at some point. Work (meaning offices as well as labor oriented jobs which may or may not require a worker to stay in one location at all times in order to perform their duties) has changed a lot. Not only is there a significant lack of well paying jobs for one to have, but the work environment has become paranoid, sadistic and has an all around Big Brother sensibility to it. Step out of line, say or do something questionable or outside the box and you will be turned into the secret police. Unless you happen to be one of those who are allowed to do and say anything they want and never suffer the consequences of your actions (of which there seem to be many and I have not figured out how to get into this esteemed group because I am in the group who is unable to do just this. But that's a whole other blog.), your position is secure and safe in life. When you are now hired for jobs of any sort, those around you are ripping, picking and pulling you apart like a turkey. It's almost like those in middle management are abusing you as the underling because they want to see how much abuse you can and can't take, as well as showing that they have power. This brings to mind the radiology practice who had no grounds to get rid of me because I said "ok whatever you like" when I was screaming on the inside and not showing it on my face. Meanwhile my counter part was throwing tantrums and hissy fits at the slightest provocation. Despite my reassurance that there are things in life we just have to sweat through for whatever reason and there are more important things in life to be angry about than this, I was ousted (3 days before the health insurance was to kick in) because I had such a cavalier attitude. On the way out, I told them where and what they could do with their attitude.
3) Loser - There are many people in life who are losers, no question. There are just as many who are wealthy as there are poor, just as many men who are women, and just as many who are put in management / authority position as there are underlings. What makes a loser? It's someone who starts, promises or builds something up, then abandons, takes back a promise, or destroys it. It's also someone who doesn't take the time to learn all the facts, falls back on a certain preconceived idea, and also sits back on their haunches and does nothing in the face of crisis. The biggest reason we are in the bind that we are in today is because we trusted too many losers to be in charge, and we have too many chiefs in the tribe. One has to sweat through a lot of things in life for one reason or another . Hence this is why we are in debt and suffering at the hands of the entrepreneurs who were taking care of us for so long. It chips away at your self esteem and makes you wonder how and why this could've happened to so many of us who never hurt a fly. And yet, it did. And who do we blame? Honestly, there's no single person, just a great, big bunch of losers who really, really, REALLY screwed us up.
4) What to do now - People had been telling me for years - and when I say "people" I am talking about just about every source possible who knows what they are doing or saying, which includes my hearing the voice of God one day. (But that's also another story.) Having been surrounded by creative people, the answer is simple : Find out what you love then learn how to make money doing it. Easier said than done, of course, but having been ousted from the old, go no where career and you feel that you have nothing, that's when a door opens. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. For me, this change is to truly launch myself in my artistic career, as well as finding a way to make a difference. Whoever that person is within you, good or bad, you will be the change you wish to see. It's time to take a leap of faith, the trust part will come later. That being said, I will take the leap of faith and become what I want to be, which is a writer, artist, actor and dreamer. It was not that long ago that I saw this as nonsense and frivolous, but what choice do I have anymore but to hold onto those long ago forgotten dreams and hopes? This is the time. It's not too late. I'm not too old, I'm not past my prime, I'm just getting started on a new path, which is all.
With all this behind me, I am happy and feeling far better than I have in a long time. I have not "made it" in life yet, but I will. I keep trying and someday, somehow we will all survive and we will all find happiness. The ones who have given up are bringing us down, but it will not be me.
1) The Scene - Ever since I came into The Scene 16 years ago, I have managed to surround myself with creative, talented people from all walks of life. Much of it was centered around partying of course, but since we are older and wiser now, our lives are no longer revolving around seeing live music as an excuse to drink and smoke. You can do that in front of the TV any day of the week. Now, we want to do, and we want to do better. Many can say that The Scene has a dark side to it which we all dove into headfirst, but now I have embraced the idealism of it. There are millions of things out there that we can do with out time, and since there was a point that we completely stopped caring about money and our financial well being, I too have said this.
2) Work - Work is one of the universals in life, something that all before us must do in order to survive. At least, that was a true statement at some point. Work (meaning offices as well as labor oriented jobs which may or may not require a worker to stay in one location at all times in order to perform their duties) has changed a lot. Not only is there a significant lack of well paying jobs for one to have, but the work environment has become paranoid, sadistic and has an all around Big Brother sensibility to it. Step out of line, say or do something questionable or outside the box and you will be turned into the secret police. Unless you happen to be one of those who are allowed to do and say anything they want and never suffer the consequences of your actions (of which there seem to be many and I have not figured out how to get into this esteemed group because I am in the group who is unable to do just this. But that's a whole other blog.), your position is secure and safe in life. When you are now hired for jobs of any sort, those around you are ripping, picking and pulling you apart like a turkey. It's almost like those in middle management are abusing you as the underling because they want to see how much abuse you can and can't take, as well as showing that they have power. This brings to mind the radiology practice who had no grounds to get rid of me because I said "ok whatever you like" when I was screaming on the inside and not showing it on my face. Meanwhile my counter part was throwing tantrums and hissy fits at the slightest provocation. Despite my reassurance that there are things in life we just have to sweat through for whatever reason and there are more important things in life to be angry about than this, I was ousted (3 days before the health insurance was to kick in) because I had such a cavalier attitude. On the way out, I told them where and what they could do with their attitude.
3) Loser - There are many people in life who are losers, no question. There are just as many who are wealthy as there are poor, just as many men who are women, and just as many who are put in management / authority position as there are underlings. What makes a loser? It's someone who starts, promises or builds something up, then abandons, takes back a promise, or destroys it. It's also someone who doesn't take the time to learn all the facts, falls back on a certain preconceived idea, and also sits back on their haunches and does nothing in the face of crisis. The biggest reason we are in the bind that we are in today is because we trusted too many losers to be in charge, and we have too many chiefs in the tribe. One has to sweat through a lot of things in life for one reason or another . Hence this is why we are in debt and suffering at the hands of the entrepreneurs who were taking care of us for so long. It chips away at your self esteem and makes you wonder how and why this could've happened to so many of us who never hurt a fly. And yet, it did. And who do we blame? Honestly, there's no single person, just a great, big bunch of losers who really, really, REALLY screwed us up.
4) What to do now - People had been telling me for years - and when I say "people" I am talking about just about every source possible who knows what they are doing or saying, which includes my hearing the voice of God one day. (But that's also another story.) Having been surrounded by creative people, the answer is simple : Find out what you love then learn how to make money doing it. Easier said than done, of course, but having been ousted from the old, go no where career and you feel that you have nothing, that's when a door opens. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. For me, this change is to truly launch myself in my artistic career, as well as finding a way to make a difference. Whoever that person is within you, good or bad, you will be the change you wish to see. It's time to take a leap of faith, the trust part will come later. That being said, I will take the leap of faith and become what I want to be, which is a writer, artist, actor and dreamer. It was not that long ago that I saw this as nonsense and frivolous, but what choice do I have anymore but to hold onto those long ago forgotten dreams and hopes? This is the time. It's not too late. I'm not too old, I'm not past my prime, I'm just getting started on a new path, which is all.
With all this behind me, I am happy and feeling far better than I have in a long time. I have not "made it" in life yet, but I will. I keep trying and someday, somehow we will all survive and we will all find happiness. The ones who have given up are bringing us down, but it will not be me.
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