The time draws closer

I have had much time and energy to think about my upcoming 20th high school reunion.  Much has cluttered in my brain here and there about what will and won't happen between now and then.  I put on an exterior to others that I am hard as a rock, fearless and invulnerable.  And yet, the thought of having to once again be around the gals I spent my awkward adolescence with can shake me to the core.  Still, I have chosen to do this and I am going with a positive attitude.  A part of me thinking that part of being an adult means that I don't have to do things like this if I didn't want to.  Sometimes my stomach would literally churn and burn with the thought of having to face some of the skank whore bitches again and the rest of them who, like me, were forced into a rather awkward boxed corner of lonerdom and grinding of teeth.  Only people who are wildly successful end up going to those events, and I'm not one of those wildly successful people.  And I am certainly not one of those sad souls who actually say and admit to the fact that the high school years were the best years of their lives.  And yet, while flip flopping on this issue for quite a while, I happened to come across an article on CNN.com (while checking the daily headlines) that made quite a case for going to such an event.  Dread is exactly the reason that we should go to something like this.  This is, after all, why I have chosen to go through life the way I have with my armor on as the one without fear, the swashbuckling loner.  For the vast majority of people, life is short, boring and dry.  If we do not take risks or chances, we will doom ourselves to wasting away in front of the television with a mouthful of Cheetos in our mouths, the remote control in the other.  And sit there and dream and regret everything in the past that we didn't do or try when we had the chance to do so. 

So I have everything nearly in order for it.  I don't require plastic surgery from the neck up or down.  Still have to figure out how I will dress for the event, but it will be to the nines.  I asked a friend to come with as my handsome fake trophy husband (and no there is no illusion of love or romance between either of us - this is my attempt to say to them "See THIS?!  You all are old and fat and married, and this gorgeous thing is 10 years my junior as MY arm candy here!)  C, my fake trophy husband, has agreed to this arrangement, of this I am grateful.  One must go into this experience with a good attitude, and these are the following pointers for just such an experience:

1)  Go back for the people
Do not go back for the institution, go back for the people.  Remember, while you knew many during your moody and horrible attitude time, you are going back to meet the people you knew again AS ADULTS.  You can see the obnoxious skank whore bitches and the goth rockers and the nerds and whoever else in between and make an effort to see them again as adults.  You can talk to those you were not allowed to talk to back then, and you may find that now you are on equal footing with them.  Life can (in theory) change us, and perhaps it will change all bad behaviors for the better.  This is an opportunity to cleanse yourself, make amends with all of those in the past (even if the others did not know of things).  Here you can show that you are big enough to put yourself through the fire and emerge.

2)  Temptation to walk away from things uncomfortable
Often times, I find that people will take the easy way out of things and also behave badly when it comes to risk taking.  What are the risks of going to see something far away?  What are the risks of seeing or talking to others who once hurt you?  There are millions of fears we have within us, but if we face them and put it to rest once and for all, we will eventually feel better that we have faced our fears.  Often times that is what is holding us back, our own constructed fears, rather than something that really happened.  If you let these fears hold you back, you are acting out out of avoidance or cowardice.  It's far safer, and you will live to fight another day, but you will have a certain limitation when it comes to how you deal with things.  Face it and know.  One's adult self is much different than one's adolescent one, I hope.

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