#DearMe #DearYou
I saw a newsfeed through YouTube the other day saying that they are encouraging a project among the kids. You are to make a video of yourself and post it on said website for the world to see of what advice you would give your younger self. Although I am not so young anymore and clearly past the demographic that they are aiming for, I did think on this. It's a good thing to be able to have others see, have others see what you can and have done with yourself, and how you reflect upon your experiences. I do this quite a bit to begin with, and some do not. So I take on this project in the form of a blog rather than a video, because I didn't want to put on my Sunday best nor be bothered with hair and makeup adjustments at this hour. For all of those out there who may be reading this whose paths have not crossed with mine, this may be of some value to you. So with the assumption that I am speaking to my high school aged self, here is some advice and potential fortune telling that I will give:
1) Friends - You have a few friends now who are your childhood friends, but you will not have them as an adult. And when I say as an adult, you will not have them past your early twenties. You never had long lasting, close girlfriends in junior high nor high school, nor will you have them in college either, a few wild cards for whatever reason will remain. You are lonely, you try with people but they just don't seem to really accept you for whatever reasons. Why? Because they are two faced bitches. That's not to say that you will never meet another two faced bitch when you are older, to be sure, but your tastes do not seem to fit what they are into. It's kind of strange that people hold onto their best friends from high school after a certain point, people just kind of come and go because they don't hold onto the same value of friendship that you do. They have their own agendas in life and often times that does not include you. Don't be sad or lonely, you don't need them. You'll go to a reunion or two and it's always nice to trot down memory lane, but remember that many of them will peek during this time. You're going to make actual friends after that period. And you're going to be cool when you never thought you were cool. They're going to be bored housewives who are picking up toys and doing endless loads of laundry and cooking. You will make bad friends, but you will make good ones as well. Natural selection will take over and you will determine who the good and bad are. You're going to make friends who are very much like you who understand what sadness and loneliness and being an outcast truly is, and that's why we are friends and not mainstream yuppies. And don't take emotional and/or verbal abuse from anyone, even someone who you think is your friend or you feel that they are your friend, because they're not. They will make a career out of stabbing others in the back, you won't.
2) Love - I'm afraid to tell you that love is going to be very hard for you in life. You have much to offer someone in terms of being a girlfriend / wife to someone, but unfortunately you are going to discover a lot of things about men. When we're kids, we are entertained with fairy tales where handsome princes come and rescue damsels in distress, so we assume that all men are so brave and strong. Unfortunately you are going to find out that men are not half as strong as you think they are. In fact, they can be downright cowardly when you will be the bravest of them all. They are going to treat you badly. To this, I say "let them, then walk away". You are better off without them. When you were going out with your high school sweetheart, you thought it was always going to be happy like this. Unfortunately, that was the exception. You are not going to be with him, because you're still a kid and you have a lot of experiences and things that you need to learn about people and the world around you. You're going to find out that a lot of men out there would rather try to make it work with trash women rather than you. They say that women go for Bad Boys. Well men go for Bad Girls as well, it's just more acceptable for them to do this. And they want someone who is lesser than they are. Not necessarily someone who is less educated or makes less money, but someone who has less personality, is less physically attractive than them, and, quite honestly, is rather trashy. They like dramatics, not peace and happiness. Of this, you have to resolve within yourself. Getting married and having babies is not the most important thing in life, but some of them seem to think it is to you. Don't take shit from a man who is so unhappy with himself that he takes the coward's way out and lives in a fantasy world. Let him have trash instead of you. You're worth more than that.
3) The Love of your life - You are going to meet the love of your life someday. You're going to be happier than you ever thought possible. Unfortunately for you, this does not mean that you are going to live happily ever after with him. He's going to leave you. He's not a prince, he's going to be a self centered man who doesn't care about much except himself, doesn't like people in general, and wants to live out in the middle of nowhere. He's going to do this whether you like it or not. But you're going to survive. Let him live there in the middle of nowhere, you wouldn't be happy there with him with nothing to do and no one to interact with. You're going to move on. You're not going to live like a nun by any means, don't worry about that. But don't think that you will never have love again. You will have others in your life. Don't stay broken hearted and depressed, it's always worth another try. And try and try you will.
4) Work / careers - I could probably tell you a million and one things about this that deserves its own library. I would recommend to anyone who wants to know how to conduct themselves in an office a book : Office Politics by R. Don Steele. In general, be nice but not too nice to others that you work with. Remember that all the women you will work with are jealous of you because you're younger, thinner, and haven't screwed your life up as much as they have. Don't become that one gal who works for peanuts who says "someday my hard work will show itself for what it is and I will be rewarded", because you won't be. You will be abused, screamed at, told you are stupid. There is this thinking that work is a place to come that will be exciting and fun, when it's a miserable, rotten daily grind. It's also disheartening to learn that the boss or those in charge are not made to be so because they are better, smarter or more dedicated than you, it just means they are in charge. It's also depressing to find out that the people who are in charge are not there to make sure everything is hunky dory or encourage you to do your best. You think that because you have been surrounded by trusted adults all your life who were there to make sure you do your best. Change jobs frequently so that you will get more experience, because all they do is put you into a corner, have you do this same job for years at a time, and then you will end up without skills or knowledge. If and when you are not favored for doing your work as best you can, leave the company. You should have left a few companies before you got the axe (and you're going to get the axe many times), and you should never have gotten into health care to begin with. I think that first job was a good one because you were still going out and staying out until the wee hours and all you had to do was show up and push buttons, but you should've gotten out of that at the end of 2001 while the getting was still good. But, you'll be ok.
5) Social life - You don't have much of one now, but you're going to grow up and be one of the cool people. You're going to travel to Egypt and see the Great Pyramids and the Valley of the Kings, swim in the Red Sea, and see the King Tut gold mask. You're going to go to Scandinavia - Denmark, Sweden and Norway. You're going to England and Scotland, and you're going to see the Tower of London and the crown jewels. While everyone else is sitting at home and dreaming, you're going to do it. Here is where being a swashbuckling loner is going to come in handy. Your bravery is going to pay off by not letting anyone or anything stop you from going at it alone. You're an adventurer, you might be terrified on the inside but you're going to put on a brave face and not let others think that you are anything but sure of yourself. You're going to go the distance, you're going to love your life even when others let you down. You're going to chase rock bands, you're going to live the life that others only dream of. And you're going to change into something you never thought you could ever be. You're going to have tons of friends all over the world and they're going to help you. You're going to have an artist career that isn't going to start until you are a bit older, but you're going to be. I think what you are concerned about at this point is if you are going to be happy, and you will be. You're determined, that's why others find you intimidating at first, but you will be liked by many. You'll have young and old friends from all walks of life, and you will not worry about the fact that those from your childhood could care less about you or including you in their nonsense. You will be happy and busy and have wonderful experiences and learn a lot of things thanks to them. And you're not too old to do, try or start something. Never.
6) What I would've told you if I could - I would've told you to save more money since we didn't know that we were going to be in the economic condition we are in today. I would've told you also when you are going through the rowdy crazy time that we all go through in our early/mid twenties to keep your mouth shut and your panties on (whether or not the tabloids are covering your every move). I would tell you not to settle for a bad man or a man who has nothing going for him. I would tell you also to know who your true friends are, and who you should not trust. And start working out in your teens not later in life because weight is going to creep up on you, stay away from McDonalds and fast food and eating until it hurts. But, like everyone else, I didn't know that until it happened to me. You will be frustrated because there are those who will hold you back or they will come up with reasons or excuses as to how and why you shouldn't do something or don't want to put forth the efforts to do so. Don't waste time with them. Unfortunately you will meet a lot of them. Keep on dreaming, changing and being because you're going at this alone when others seem to have a lot of support systems backing them up. Some will be jealous of you, but you will never be of them. Don't let their jealousy make you be anything less than you are. And don't be afraid to tell someone exactly what you think of them when they deserve it. Don't be a wimp, you're in this alone and no one is there to be there with you.
I hope that was good advice to you, and all of those out there who may be reading this. You're going to have an exciting life, this existence you have now is not the end. It's going to be a roller coaster with the highest highs and the lowest lows at times, but you're going to be ok.
1) Friends - You have a few friends now who are your childhood friends, but you will not have them as an adult. And when I say as an adult, you will not have them past your early twenties. You never had long lasting, close girlfriends in junior high nor high school, nor will you have them in college either, a few wild cards for whatever reason will remain. You are lonely, you try with people but they just don't seem to really accept you for whatever reasons. Why? Because they are two faced bitches. That's not to say that you will never meet another two faced bitch when you are older, to be sure, but your tastes do not seem to fit what they are into. It's kind of strange that people hold onto their best friends from high school after a certain point, people just kind of come and go because they don't hold onto the same value of friendship that you do. They have their own agendas in life and often times that does not include you. Don't be sad or lonely, you don't need them. You'll go to a reunion or two and it's always nice to trot down memory lane, but remember that many of them will peek during this time. You're going to make actual friends after that period. And you're going to be cool when you never thought you were cool. They're going to be bored housewives who are picking up toys and doing endless loads of laundry and cooking. You will make bad friends, but you will make good ones as well. Natural selection will take over and you will determine who the good and bad are. You're going to make friends who are very much like you who understand what sadness and loneliness and being an outcast truly is, and that's why we are friends and not mainstream yuppies. And don't take emotional and/or verbal abuse from anyone, even someone who you think is your friend or you feel that they are your friend, because they're not. They will make a career out of stabbing others in the back, you won't.
2) Love - I'm afraid to tell you that love is going to be very hard for you in life. You have much to offer someone in terms of being a girlfriend / wife to someone, but unfortunately you are going to discover a lot of things about men. When we're kids, we are entertained with fairy tales where handsome princes come and rescue damsels in distress, so we assume that all men are so brave and strong. Unfortunately you are going to find out that men are not half as strong as you think they are. In fact, they can be downright cowardly when you will be the bravest of them all. They are going to treat you badly. To this, I say "let them, then walk away". You are better off without them. When you were going out with your high school sweetheart, you thought it was always going to be happy like this. Unfortunately, that was the exception. You are not going to be with him, because you're still a kid and you have a lot of experiences and things that you need to learn about people and the world around you. You're going to find out that a lot of men out there would rather try to make it work with trash women rather than you. They say that women go for Bad Boys. Well men go for Bad Girls as well, it's just more acceptable for them to do this. And they want someone who is lesser than they are. Not necessarily someone who is less educated or makes less money, but someone who has less personality, is less physically attractive than them, and, quite honestly, is rather trashy. They like dramatics, not peace and happiness. Of this, you have to resolve within yourself. Getting married and having babies is not the most important thing in life, but some of them seem to think it is to you. Don't take shit from a man who is so unhappy with himself that he takes the coward's way out and lives in a fantasy world. Let him have trash instead of you. You're worth more than that.
3) The Love of your life - You are going to meet the love of your life someday. You're going to be happier than you ever thought possible. Unfortunately for you, this does not mean that you are going to live happily ever after with him. He's going to leave you. He's not a prince, he's going to be a self centered man who doesn't care about much except himself, doesn't like people in general, and wants to live out in the middle of nowhere. He's going to do this whether you like it or not. But you're going to survive. Let him live there in the middle of nowhere, you wouldn't be happy there with him with nothing to do and no one to interact with. You're going to move on. You're not going to live like a nun by any means, don't worry about that. But don't think that you will never have love again. You will have others in your life. Don't stay broken hearted and depressed, it's always worth another try. And try and try you will.
4) Work / careers - I could probably tell you a million and one things about this that deserves its own library. I would recommend to anyone who wants to know how to conduct themselves in an office a book : Office Politics by R. Don Steele. In general, be nice but not too nice to others that you work with. Remember that all the women you will work with are jealous of you because you're younger, thinner, and haven't screwed your life up as much as they have. Don't become that one gal who works for peanuts who says "someday my hard work will show itself for what it is and I will be rewarded", because you won't be. You will be abused, screamed at, told you are stupid. There is this thinking that work is a place to come that will be exciting and fun, when it's a miserable, rotten daily grind. It's also disheartening to learn that the boss or those in charge are not made to be so because they are better, smarter or more dedicated than you, it just means they are in charge. It's also depressing to find out that the people who are in charge are not there to make sure everything is hunky dory or encourage you to do your best. You think that because you have been surrounded by trusted adults all your life who were there to make sure you do your best. Change jobs frequently so that you will get more experience, because all they do is put you into a corner, have you do this same job for years at a time, and then you will end up without skills or knowledge. If and when you are not favored for doing your work as best you can, leave the company. You should have left a few companies before you got the axe (and you're going to get the axe many times), and you should never have gotten into health care to begin with. I think that first job was a good one because you were still going out and staying out until the wee hours and all you had to do was show up and push buttons, but you should've gotten out of that at the end of 2001 while the getting was still good. But, you'll be ok.
5) Social life - You don't have much of one now, but you're going to grow up and be one of the cool people. You're going to travel to Egypt and see the Great Pyramids and the Valley of the Kings, swim in the Red Sea, and see the King Tut gold mask. You're going to go to Scandinavia - Denmark, Sweden and Norway. You're going to England and Scotland, and you're going to see the Tower of London and the crown jewels. While everyone else is sitting at home and dreaming, you're going to do it. Here is where being a swashbuckling loner is going to come in handy. Your bravery is going to pay off by not letting anyone or anything stop you from going at it alone. You're an adventurer, you might be terrified on the inside but you're going to put on a brave face and not let others think that you are anything but sure of yourself. You're going to go the distance, you're going to love your life even when others let you down. You're going to chase rock bands, you're going to live the life that others only dream of. And you're going to change into something you never thought you could ever be. You're going to have tons of friends all over the world and they're going to help you. You're going to have an artist career that isn't going to start until you are a bit older, but you're going to be. I think what you are concerned about at this point is if you are going to be happy, and you will be. You're determined, that's why others find you intimidating at first, but you will be liked by many. You'll have young and old friends from all walks of life, and you will not worry about the fact that those from your childhood could care less about you or including you in their nonsense. You will be happy and busy and have wonderful experiences and learn a lot of things thanks to them. And you're not too old to do, try or start something. Never.
6) What I would've told you if I could - I would've told you to save more money since we didn't know that we were going to be in the economic condition we are in today. I would've told you also when you are going through the rowdy crazy time that we all go through in our early/mid twenties to keep your mouth shut and your panties on (whether or not the tabloids are covering your every move). I would tell you not to settle for a bad man or a man who has nothing going for him. I would tell you also to know who your true friends are, and who you should not trust. And start working out in your teens not later in life because weight is going to creep up on you, stay away from McDonalds and fast food and eating until it hurts. But, like everyone else, I didn't know that until it happened to me. You will be frustrated because there are those who will hold you back or they will come up with reasons or excuses as to how and why you shouldn't do something or don't want to put forth the efforts to do so. Don't waste time with them. Unfortunately you will meet a lot of them. Keep on dreaming, changing and being because you're going at this alone when others seem to have a lot of support systems backing them up. Some will be jealous of you, but you will never be of them. Don't let their jealousy make you be anything less than you are. And don't be afraid to tell someone exactly what you think of them when they deserve it. Don't be a wimp, you're in this alone and no one is there to be there with you.
I hope that was good advice to you, and all of those out there who may be reading this. You're going to have an exciting life, this existence you have now is not the end. It's going to be a roller coaster with the highest highs and the lowest lows at times, but you're going to be ok.
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