Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is once again upon us. This is not a blog that will be all snarky about my hatred of this holiday like countless others will be, because that's lame. This will be a stream of conciousness about how and why this holiday is simultaniously loved and hated by others, including me.
Even though it was a long time ago now, I can recall what Valentine's Day was like when I was in kindergarten. Like a lot of others no doubt, it was just so simple, when it was a public holiday and introduction. Everyone was to bring in a mailbox in which to collect a card from every student in the class, and everyone participated. I somewhat remember the shoe box I brought in, like everyone else's it was pink, red and white in some way and covered in hearts and lace. Plus I remember putting a valentine in the box of a boy named Brian's, and his box was blue. My childhood friend C was across the room. Since they arranged us alphabetically, I could see him from my seat in the middle of the room and his seat was right under the TV stand. We were not seated across from each other at the same table as our last names were too far apart in the alphabet to do so, but we faced each other everyday. This was not the place where we met, we now agree. Somehow our parents knew each other before our first day of kindergarten and we knew each other before then even though we can't remember exactly how. Perhaps the class mom also brought in a box of frosted cupcakes and me and the rest of the kids licked the frosting off and threw away the cake portion. Little has changed since then, except the cupcakes today would probably be gluten free or vegan.
Once you get to middle school, however, is when this holiday went underground. Valentine's Day was no longer strait forward like it had been before. It was still physical as it would be into adult life (as in the giving of flowers, cards, candy, etc.), but communication now came into play. By communication, it was all along the lines of Bob and Frank said that Jane's cousin's sister's brother's ex wife's former roommate likes you. Even though no one had ex spouses at that point, there seemed to be a lot of people who had former signifigant others and it was all confined to the branch of the middle school. That's particularly scary if you think about it. If there was any exchange of gifts between individuals for Valentine's Day, I never knew about it. Save for one instance I would find out about years later. My junior high school friend P would later tell me that he was briefly linked to one of the girls in my class; and, being the genuine man he was (as much as one can be as a 7th grader), he went out and bought a heart shaped box of chocolate for her. She did him the courtesy of breaking up with him on Valentine's Day itself. Another one of the boys, he later told me, suggested he take a bite out of each piece of chocolate, reseal it, then present it to her anyway. I have no idea what became of the box of chocolate, hopefully P enjoyed it himself or shared it with someone else.
High school would be oddly similar to that of middle school, as would adult life afterward, just with a wider audience in which to play Telephone with. Here is where one meets their high school sweetheart (or who you think is) and because it's your first love / adultish relationship, you assume it's all going to be like this - easy, no talk of needing space or having baggage, everything was fine at all times. Unfortunately, as we find out later on, life can and does get rather complicated as other things fall into place, people make stupid decisions, etc. And we end up where we are now, pretty much grown up middle schoolers, except we're old, fat, and poor.
There are so many misconceptions about this holiday and why it is that others hate it like they do. Why exactly do we hate it like one would hate Christmas? There are a few reasons. In the past, I had chatted with guy friends who said that they don't get women sometimes. One, for example, had taken this woman out for a romantic dinner at an expensive restaurant. After spending quite a bit and she seemed to be having a good time, he was hoping that he would be getting some serious action after that. Instead he got a thirty second good-bye kiss at her front door then he ended up going home alone. At this rate he said he would have to be spending even more on more extravagant things for her. In this case, he like a lot of others, might be confusing prostitution with romance. If so, I'm sure he would be able to find others who would be willing to do something for far less than the price of an expensive meal. If one is looking for romance then sex should not be the ultimate goal. Romance, after all, resides in its own universe somewhere in between carnal lust and platonic love between two people. Romance can evolve into sex, but it's perfectly alright to have a romantic evening and then end up going to bed alone.
Others say that holidays such as this are completely invented and cared about only by women. Some guys I have heard complain that romance is only the mushy stuff that fills up trashy romance novels. Men only are romantic with women when there is a possibility of sex in it, they see those commercials for diamonds and jewelry and they want to puke all over the TV. True? Well, research shows that women who read trashy books like those actually are twice as sexually active as women who don't. We like to think that we are all unique and free thinkers and whatever else, but we are really just mindless sheep when it comes to mass marketing and media. Advertisements, movies and TV shows have distorted our notion of love and romance, and it's hardly portrayed without some guy's credit card being hyped in the process. If this annoys you, remember that not one major retail chain or corporation will make a dime if you do something thoughtful for someone else, like cleaning out the garage, organizing a closet, washing the dishes, or even saying to someone "I love you", doesn't cost you or anyone else a thing. Increasing the national debt does not increase one's want or need for romance or its significance to others.
It is with these contradictions, but, like I said, life is complicated, that I have often times sighted a major turning point moment for me when it comes to love. While the capitalist mentality and marketing tactics have, most certainly, brainwashed us as to what we should be doing, feeling, seeing, etc. when it comes to love, I exercised this in the recent past. It was foolish on my part, far too embarrassing. And doubly embarrassing when one realizes, like we all do, that when one becomes a writer they do it to keep their thoughts and feelings private. Instead of improving our relationships with other humans, we develop an intimate relationship with pen and paper, and then later the internet and a keyboard. But, like I said and all writers would also tell you, life is complicated. I digress on this point ... I did a lot of things wrong with this situation, but who hasn't? I had a crush on someone, a coworker, which is one of the most horrible people in which to have a crush on. A crush can be like an acquired disease; and, this disease I acquired would overtake me to the point that I was thinking irrationally and not with my ever logical, black and white mind. And being that humans are social creatures and desire allies and companionship, I too was seeking the want and need for allies and companionship. I felt, rather foolishly, that one would find allies when one is around others. They are not, not by a long shot. This crush disease caused me to act like an irrational female : obsessive and clingy rather than my cold and icy Daniel Craig as James Bond model. While out shopping, one day I came across a plush representation of a cartoon character that the object of my affection used in his management. I picked it up rather impulsively, then a few days later I came into work early and put it in his box in the office annoymously. Then I got a tech savvy friend to get me some information and I got his phone number. Creepy? Well, I suppose, but, like I said, I had a disease and wasn't thinking rationally. And after I was ousted a few weeks later, I texted him "Wanna hang out?" and he texted me back "I am not interested in you romantically. Sorry if that's too blunt."
Response? I lied and said I wanted to be friends, and he responded "Oh, my bad, sure!" And a few hours later, I erased his number and every text history and we never spoke a word again. He never reached out to me, I think he was relieved that I decided otherwise. I sought professional help, but I would never be cured as every addiction counselor will tell you. You can just promise yourself that you're not going to do the bad behavior today. I stalk him still on Facebook and online, like everyone does. I suppose he remembers how much of an asshole I was, maybe he lives in fear of me. Maybe our paths crossed here and there online, some mutual friends have unfriended me over it but, it's what it is. He wasn't interested in me romantically, so, what else is there? Not much if anything. This rejection, however, was a turning point moment for me, of which I am still wondering why. Aside from the hurt, something within me changed. Maybe it was the timing of the thing, but it was a true horror story. My reaction to things is to keep it all inside rather than show my emotions like most women, but ever since then a black cloud had been hanging over me. This black cloud has been telling me since then that "No one wants you". I think this represented something. I changed and said while I may hurt inside, I shall become the coldest, hardest, sociopath on the outside. Capability, inactive, impervious, able to withstand physical, verbal and emotional pain, and shut down and trust no one. It's about a defense mechanism rather than a hurt. A classy woman yet scary. I am very much like Daniel Craig as James Bond - I live this glamorous life and yet there is a tragedy sense that I can't really have a partner. While very much a loner with a chip on my shoulder about life, I have to shoulder on alone because no one will rise to the challenge to be by my side in so many ways. Why? I really don't know.
So with that train of thought, Happy Valentine's Day to one and all.
Even though it was a long time ago now, I can recall what Valentine's Day was like when I was in kindergarten. Like a lot of others no doubt, it was just so simple, when it was a public holiday and introduction. Everyone was to bring in a mailbox in which to collect a card from every student in the class, and everyone participated. I somewhat remember the shoe box I brought in, like everyone else's it was pink, red and white in some way and covered in hearts and lace. Plus I remember putting a valentine in the box of a boy named Brian's, and his box was blue. My childhood friend C was across the room. Since they arranged us alphabetically, I could see him from my seat in the middle of the room and his seat was right under the TV stand. We were not seated across from each other at the same table as our last names were too far apart in the alphabet to do so, but we faced each other everyday. This was not the place where we met, we now agree. Somehow our parents knew each other before our first day of kindergarten and we knew each other before then even though we can't remember exactly how. Perhaps the class mom also brought in a box of frosted cupcakes and me and the rest of the kids licked the frosting off and threw away the cake portion. Little has changed since then, except the cupcakes today would probably be gluten free or vegan.
Once you get to middle school, however, is when this holiday went underground. Valentine's Day was no longer strait forward like it had been before. It was still physical as it would be into adult life (as in the giving of flowers, cards, candy, etc.), but communication now came into play. By communication, it was all along the lines of Bob and Frank said that Jane's cousin's sister's brother's ex wife's former roommate likes you. Even though no one had ex spouses at that point, there seemed to be a lot of people who had former signifigant others and it was all confined to the branch of the middle school. That's particularly scary if you think about it. If there was any exchange of gifts between individuals for Valentine's Day, I never knew about it. Save for one instance I would find out about years later. My junior high school friend P would later tell me that he was briefly linked to one of the girls in my class; and, being the genuine man he was (as much as one can be as a 7th grader), he went out and bought a heart shaped box of chocolate for her. She did him the courtesy of breaking up with him on Valentine's Day itself. Another one of the boys, he later told me, suggested he take a bite out of each piece of chocolate, reseal it, then present it to her anyway. I have no idea what became of the box of chocolate, hopefully P enjoyed it himself or shared it with someone else.
High school would be oddly similar to that of middle school, as would adult life afterward, just with a wider audience in which to play Telephone with. Here is where one meets their high school sweetheart (or who you think is) and because it's your first love / adultish relationship, you assume it's all going to be like this - easy, no talk of needing space or having baggage, everything was fine at all times. Unfortunately, as we find out later on, life can and does get rather complicated as other things fall into place, people make stupid decisions, etc. And we end up where we are now, pretty much grown up middle schoolers, except we're old, fat, and poor.
There are so many misconceptions about this holiday and why it is that others hate it like they do. Why exactly do we hate it like one would hate Christmas? There are a few reasons. In the past, I had chatted with guy friends who said that they don't get women sometimes. One, for example, had taken this woman out for a romantic dinner at an expensive restaurant. After spending quite a bit and she seemed to be having a good time, he was hoping that he would be getting some serious action after that. Instead he got a thirty second good-bye kiss at her front door then he ended up going home alone. At this rate he said he would have to be spending even more on more extravagant things for her. In this case, he like a lot of others, might be confusing prostitution with romance. If so, I'm sure he would be able to find others who would be willing to do something for far less than the price of an expensive meal. If one is looking for romance then sex should not be the ultimate goal. Romance, after all, resides in its own universe somewhere in between carnal lust and platonic love between two people. Romance can evolve into sex, but it's perfectly alright to have a romantic evening and then end up going to bed alone.
Others say that holidays such as this are completely invented and cared about only by women. Some guys I have heard complain that romance is only the mushy stuff that fills up trashy romance novels. Men only are romantic with women when there is a possibility of sex in it, they see those commercials for diamonds and jewelry and they want to puke all over the TV. True? Well, research shows that women who read trashy books like those actually are twice as sexually active as women who don't. We like to think that we are all unique and free thinkers and whatever else, but we are really just mindless sheep when it comes to mass marketing and media. Advertisements, movies and TV shows have distorted our notion of love and romance, and it's hardly portrayed without some guy's credit card being hyped in the process. If this annoys you, remember that not one major retail chain or corporation will make a dime if you do something thoughtful for someone else, like cleaning out the garage, organizing a closet, washing the dishes, or even saying to someone "I love you", doesn't cost you or anyone else a thing. Increasing the national debt does not increase one's want or need for romance or its significance to others.
It is with these contradictions, but, like I said, life is complicated, that I have often times sighted a major turning point moment for me when it comes to love. While the capitalist mentality and marketing tactics have, most certainly, brainwashed us as to what we should be doing, feeling, seeing, etc. when it comes to love, I exercised this in the recent past. It was foolish on my part, far too embarrassing. And doubly embarrassing when one realizes, like we all do, that when one becomes a writer they do it to keep their thoughts and feelings private. Instead of improving our relationships with other humans, we develop an intimate relationship with pen and paper, and then later the internet and a keyboard. But, like I said and all writers would also tell you, life is complicated. I digress on this point ... I did a lot of things wrong with this situation, but who hasn't? I had a crush on someone, a coworker, which is one of the most horrible people in which to have a crush on. A crush can be like an acquired disease; and, this disease I acquired would overtake me to the point that I was thinking irrationally and not with my ever logical, black and white mind. And being that humans are social creatures and desire allies and companionship, I too was seeking the want and need for allies and companionship. I felt, rather foolishly, that one would find allies when one is around others. They are not, not by a long shot. This crush disease caused me to act like an irrational female : obsessive and clingy rather than my cold and icy Daniel Craig as James Bond model. While out shopping, one day I came across a plush representation of a cartoon character that the object of my affection used in his management. I picked it up rather impulsively, then a few days later I came into work early and put it in his box in the office annoymously. Then I got a tech savvy friend to get me some information and I got his phone number. Creepy? Well, I suppose, but, like I said, I had a disease and wasn't thinking rationally. And after I was ousted a few weeks later, I texted him "Wanna hang out?" and he texted me back "I am not interested in you romantically. Sorry if that's too blunt."
Response? I lied and said I wanted to be friends, and he responded "Oh, my bad, sure!" And a few hours later, I erased his number and every text history and we never spoke a word again. He never reached out to me, I think he was relieved that I decided otherwise. I sought professional help, but I would never be cured as every addiction counselor will tell you. You can just promise yourself that you're not going to do the bad behavior today. I stalk him still on Facebook and online, like everyone does. I suppose he remembers how much of an asshole I was, maybe he lives in fear of me. Maybe our paths crossed here and there online, some mutual friends have unfriended me over it but, it's what it is. He wasn't interested in me romantically, so, what else is there? Not much if anything. This rejection, however, was a turning point moment for me, of which I am still wondering why. Aside from the hurt, something within me changed. Maybe it was the timing of the thing, but it was a true horror story. My reaction to things is to keep it all inside rather than show my emotions like most women, but ever since then a black cloud had been hanging over me. This black cloud has been telling me since then that "No one wants you". I think this represented something. I changed and said while I may hurt inside, I shall become the coldest, hardest, sociopath on the outside. Capability, inactive, impervious, able to withstand physical, verbal and emotional pain, and shut down and trust no one. It's about a defense mechanism rather than a hurt. A classy woman yet scary. I am very much like Daniel Craig as James Bond - I live this glamorous life and yet there is a tragedy sense that I can't really have a partner. While very much a loner with a chip on my shoulder about life, I have to shoulder on alone because no one will rise to the challenge to be by my side in so many ways. Why? I really don't know.
So with that train of thought, Happy Valentine's Day to one and all.
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