Fickle
Last Saturday, I was sitting in a bar on Coventry Road in Cleveland Heights eagerly anticipating the arrival of one of my heroes from the Grunge Years. I realize how ridiculous that sounds, I am a 41 year old woman living a hand to mouth existence, rather modestly when I was once so high on the hog, but I think a lot of us are in said situations now in terms of finance as well as in other ways. It is in the other ways that I continue to be modest and make further adjustments, but that's another story for another day. He came in the room without entourage or announcement, and I realized as he walked by me "That's him!" I was nervous to meet him, as I was twenty one years ago when we first met, but he wouldn't remember that. It was in South Bend, Indiana, where I was attending college the first time around, at a little clubhouse building dubbed Dalloway's which took the form of a modest coffee shop from time to time. My college radio station, WVFI 640 AM, was at its peak in 1995, they hosted a lot of bands that were coming in. As this was the only major (or semi major) metropolitan area between Chicago and Toledo, several opted to come to our city in the hopes of appealing to the indie kids, and I was one of them. I was a 90s hipster girl who was way too cool for so many things, and I was so not cool it was beyond silly to think about now, but we all go through that when we are that age so it's no big deal today. Larry Livermore had come to play with his side project band, The Potatomen, along with another VFI favorite at the time, Cub. I wish I could say that I remember a lot about our encounter, but I do not. Others gathered around him and asked him a plethora of questions, I just wanted my picture taken with him. Which I got. Unfortunately, I lost the photo which was odd of me to do so. I never loose anything, and being that this was thoroughly pre digital age and we were taking photographs with film and had paper copies of said film to be printed into photographs to be kept in an album at a later date, the one of me and him is in a blank spot in the album I kept from the college years. So the fate of this photograph is unknown. However, I got my retake twenty one years later.
For those of you who don't know who Larry Livermore is (and many of you will not), he was / is an American musician, writer, journalist, and producer most famous for founding Lookout Records in San Francisco. I will not get into his life story, as one can now google it to see how he went from his humble beginnings in Detroit, Michigan to the foundation of Lookout Records in San Francisco. He named it after his band, The Lookouts, in 1985. In 1987, he and a partner founded Lookout Records, They released titles by Operation Ivy, Screeching Weasel, and The Queers, to name a few of their more well known bands, but is most famous for discovering and signing Sweet Children. The Lookouts would have a drummer by the name of Tre Cool who eventually would leave The Lookouts and join Sweet Children. But no one knows who Sweet Children are. Today most would recognize them by their second incarnation choice if name, Green Day, when their original drummer left and replaced them with Tre Cool. Green Day's story would evolve and change them into what is now one of the more successful rock bands in history, but Larry maintained Lookout Records and served as president until 1997. He was running a million dollar company out of a bedroom, and then he chose to walk away one day. He wasn't happy with it, and handed things over to a partner.
I was surprised that so few people showed up for this. The audience consisted of barely thirty people, and they were mostly my age with a few younger people here and there. Why so few? I realized long ago that people are fickle. One minute they are your closest friends, the next you barely talk to them anymore. Circumstances pull us apart as things change (moving, starting new jobs, acquiring new interests, etc.), and I think that's what happened to him. I had always admired him for what he achieved, not the most grandiose of fame, but that he was able to acquire and maintain his position in the world and doing what he liked best. And so few were here to see him because all of those "cool kids" from way back when had moved on. They were so fickle. I wanted so badly to maintain some things, but, as I have learned, because of this, people move on and leave you behind. Had I not been so used to this since junior high school, I would have been more hurt. I'm used to this feeling of being left out in the cold as an outcast, because that's what I had always been in so many ways. That's life.
Larry gave a nice lecture full of stories about his Michigan childhood, his early years in San Francisco, writing for Maximum Rock N' Roll, etc. What he did not directly say, however, was the fact that he spent much time as an outcast, feeling rather alone in the world, and his fears of doing the right things or not. There was a Question & Answer period afterward. Most asked direct questions about his music career around Green Day and Screeching Weasel, which I expected, but I had a question I wanted to ask out of curiosity about the man himself. It happened to be the last question, because he was about to start signing books. And I put my hand up. I asked him "What was your happiest moment?" He asked if I meant around Lookout Records or something specific. I said "What was your happiest moment ever? It doesn't have to be around those things." He paused for a moment and said "This will sound very hippie of me, but right now is my happiest moment. As I get older, I have learned to love life and what it's given me, and I love the beauty of the world and being in it." I smiled, I was happy to hear him say this because that's the conclusion I have reached as well.
No matter what life throws as you, no matter how hard you fall down, you stand up every time. Love the moment you are in, because you will never get another. You will give the people an ideal to strive for. We will all stumble, we will fall. People are cruel to you and to others, and you will be to them, but you are forgiven. But in time, we will join you. You will help them accomplish wonders. All you need is bravery. There will be new friends, new interests, new challenges before you, and you will be happier than you ever dreamt possible. After it's all been said and done, what really matters is what was truly felt and truly done. I got my picture with him, and he signed my journal. An outcast? No, you'll be a god to them, like Larry is for all of us.
For those of you who don't know who Larry Livermore is (and many of you will not), he was / is an American musician, writer, journalist, and producer most famous for founding Lookout Records in San Francisco. I will not get into his life story, as one can now google it to see how he went from his humble beginnings in Detroit, Michigan to the foundation of Lookout Records in San Francisco. He named it after his band, The Lookouts, in 1985. In 1987, he and a partner founded Lookout Records, They released titles by Operation Ivy, Screeching Weasel, and The Queers, to name a few of their more well known bands, but is most famous for discovering and signing Sweet Children. The Lookouts would have a drummer by the name of Tre Cool who eventually would leave The Lookouts and join Sweet Children. But no one knows who Sweet Children are. Today most would recognize them by their second incarnation choice if name, Green Day, when their original drummer left and replaced them with Tre Cool. Green Day's story would evolve and change them into what is now one of the more successful rock bands in history, but Larry maintained Lookout Records and served as president until 1997. He was running a million dollar company out of a bedroom, and then he chose to walk away one day. He wasn't happy with it, and handed things over to a partner.
I was surprised that so few people showed up for this. The audience consisted of barely thirty people, and they were mostly my age with a few younger people here and there. Why so few? I realized long ago that people are fickle. One minute they are your closest friends, the next you barely talk to them anymore. Circumstances pull us apart as things change (moving, starting new jobs, acquiring new interests, etc.), and I think that's what happened to him. I had always admired him for what he achieved, not the most grandiose of fame, but that he was able to acquire and maintain his position in the world and doing what he liked best. And so few were here to see him because all of those "cool kids" from way back when had moved on. They were so fickle. I wanted so badly to maintain some things, but, as I have learned, because of this, people move on and leave you behind. Had I not been so used to this since junior high school, I would have been more hurt. I'm used to this feeling of being left out in the cold as an outcast, because that's what I had always been in so many ways. That's life.
Larry gave a nice lecture full of stories about his Michigan childhood, his early years in San Francisco, writing for Maximum Rock N' Roll, etc. What he did not directly say, however, was the fact that he spent much time as an outcast, feeling rather alone in the world, and his fears of doing the right things or not. There was a Question & Answer period afterward. Most asked direct questions about his music career around Green Day and Screeching Weasel, which I expected, but I had a question I wanted to ask out of curiosity about the man himself. It happened to be the last question, because he was about to start signing books. And I put my hand up. I asked him "What was your happiest moment?" He asked if I meant around Lookout Records or something specific. I said "What was your happiest moment ever? It doesn't have to be around those things." He paused for a moment and said "This will sound very hippie of me, but right now is my happiest moment. As I get older, I have learned to love life and what it's given me, and I love the beauty of the world and being in it." I smiled, I was happy to hear him say this because that's the conclusion I have reached as well.
No matter what life throws as you, no matter how hard you fall down, you stand up every time. Love the moment you are in, because you will never get another. You will give the people an ideal to strive for. We will all stumble, we will fall. People are cruel to you and to others, and you will be to them, but you are forgiven. But in time, we will join you. You will help them accomplish wonders. All you need is bravery. There will be new friends, new interests, new challenges before you, and you will be happier than you ever dreamt possible. After it's all been said and done, what really matters is what was truly felt and truly done. I got my picture with him, and he signed my journal. An outcast? No, you'll be a god to them, like Larry is for all of us.
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