Character building at your local library
The other week, I was at my local library. I have always enjoyed the library, more than most people I think. Although I haven't frequented the library as much as I did in previous years thanks to advances in technology, I have always and continue to enjoy my time there. It's also one of the best places to get movies, as my library always has currant and popular titles as well as the more high ended things, and one can always find whatever it is they are looking for depending on mood or circumstance. I loaded up in the DVD section on some horror movies I had not seen in a long time and some I had not, then took my items to the front desk for check out. When I approached the front desk, I had this feeling like I knew the person who was waiting on me but could not quite place her. She appeared to be in her early to mid twenties, how did I know her? And suddenly, it occurred to me.
About nine years ago, I was in karate class. We were doing some sparring, bound up with our protective pads and boxing gloves. Being that I was one of a few adults in the class, I was helping getting the kids who usually populate the class acquainted with sparring. I would usually let them hit me as much as possible so they would be used to hitting another person, be it an adult or another kid. I had one with me who was obviously very insecure about doing this, you could see the fear on her face and in her body language. I tried to assure her that everything would be okay, I tried to get her to build up her confidence by allowing her to hit me as much as possible. And then when she dropped her hands from protecting her face, I decided to sneak in a punch to her head. My hand might have been a bit heavier than usual, maybe it wasn't the best thing to do at that moment considering her fears, but when my right met her head encased in a helmet, she broke out in tears. Immediately, I knelt down to her level, pulled out my mouth guard so she would hear me clearly, and I said I was sorry about that. We'll stop, I shouldn't have done that. I gave her a hug. A few minutes later, the father came into the room. I stood up and said "I got her" and he moved in with a clearly angry face and cussed me out before all in the room. I froze for a moment, then turned and walked away. I faced the windows while he proceeded to throw a shouting tantrum, and the two sensais stepped in to bring it down. After they had left, I broke down in tears, letting the tension out and issues from other things come into play. When I went home, I continued to cry for another hour or so, then it passed. The next week, I did not return to class thinking that the father was going to cut me up like a side of beef.
But I returned the week after that, as did the father and the two children. They came back for another few weeks, then one day went poof. The father, whose name I cannot remember, said to my sensais that he reacted the way he did because he thought that I was boasting to him about hitting his daughter and making her cry. A backhanded apology, to be sure. Warranted? Maybe so. But he also never apologized to me for it. I guess he had felt he had done nothing wrong or he didn't feel the need to apologize to someone like me. This event remained with me for a variety of reasons. Some say this is the Millennial mentality in action, where this sense of being special or entitlement comes from. People tend to react without knowing all the facts, think that they come first or do not have to take second best, or see others as automatically evil or vicious. I've learned the hard way over that years that when faced with this, stay in the shadows and keep your mouth shut. Am I too soft or weak? Not in the slightest, it made me a rogue warrior, I'm braver than most people. It also made me think of the educational paths we seem to be so concerned with when dealing with the Millennials, this whole anti-bullying thing is rather ridiculous. We are supposed to be so nice to one another or treat others with respect, but this is not something new by any means. It's been included in the curriculum of our schools now, but is it making a difference? Not really. People are just as mean and/or nice as they are to others as they were before, stay in their cliques and have just as many behaviors good and bad depending on the behaviors dictated by the clique, and keep going about their business. Nothing really changes, either for the better or worse.
I took the high road with this woman. I don't know if she recognized me even though I look pretty much the same as I did back then, the only difference may have been my hair length. There was no need to remind her of who I was or what that was all about, it was a long time ago. Part of me also said it's not really this woman's fault, she was an innocent pawn in an adult game, she may have not understood exactly what it was or wasn't. And yet, with all the anger that had happened, with all the so called over protectiveness of the parent, she and I crossed paths once again. And nothing happened. All I said was thank you once she had checked out my items and to put the receipt in the case of the last DVD. And I could have pulled out a knife and killed her, or I could have also, like I did, nothing.
Things remain with us. It was just another day.
About nine years ago, I was in karate class. We were doing some sparring, bound up with our protective pads and boxing gloves. Being that I was one of a few adults in the class, I was helping getting the kids who usually populate the class acquainted with sparring. I would usually let them hit me as much as possible so they would be used to hitting another person, be it an adult or another kid. I had one with me who was obviously very insecure about doing this, you could see the fear on her face and in her body language. I tried to assure her that everything would be okay, I tried to get her to build up her confidence by allowing her to hit me as much as possible. And then when she dropped her hands from protecting her face, I decided to sneak in a punch to her head. My hand might have been a bit heavier than usual, maybe it wasn't the best thing to do at that moment considering her fears, but when my right met her head encased in a helmet, she broke out in tears. Immediately, I knelt down to her level, pulled out my mouth guard so she would hear me clearly, and I said I was sorry about that. We'll stop, I shouldn't have done that. I gave her a hug. A few minutes later, the father came into the room. I stood up and said "I got her" and he moved in with a clearly angry face and cussed me out before all in the room. I froze for a moment, then turned and walked away. I faced the windows while he proceeded to throw a shouting tantrum, and the two sensais stepped in to bring it down. After they had left, I broke down in tears, letting the tension out and issues from other things come into play. When I went home, I continued to cry for another hour or so, then it passed. The next week, I did not return to class thinking that the father was going to cut me up like a side of beef.
But I returned the week after that, as did the father and the two children. They came back for another few weeks, then one day went poof. The father, whose name I cannot remember, said to my sensais that he reacted the way he did because he thought that I was boasting to him about hitting his daughter and making her cry. A backhanded apology, to be sure. Warranted? Maybe so. But he also never apologized to me for it. I guess he had felt he had done nothing wrong or he didn't feel the need to apologize to someone like me. This event remained with me for a variety of reasons. Some say this is the Millennial mentality in action, where this sense of being special or entitlement comes from. People tend to react without knowing all the facts, think that they come first or do not have to take second best, or see others as automatically evil or vicious. I've learned the hard way over that years that when faced with this, stay in the shadows and keep your mouth shut. Am I too soft or weak? Not in the slightest, it made me a rogue warrior, I'm braver than most people. It also made me think of the educational paths we seem to be so concerned with when dealing with the Millennials, this whole anti-bullying thing is rather ridiculous. We are supposed to be so nice to one another or treat others with respect, but this is not something new by any means. It's been included in the curriculum of our schools now, but is it making a difference? Not really. People are just as mean and/or nice as they are to others as they were before, stay in their cliques and have just as many behaviors good and bad depending on the behaviors dictated by the clique, and keep going about their business. Nothing really changes, either for the better or worse.
I took the high road with this woman. I don't know if she recognized me even though I look pretty much the same as I did back then, the only difference may have been my hair length. There was no need to remind her of who I was or what that was all about, it was a long time ago. Part of me also said it's not really this woman's fault, she was an innocent pawn in an adult game, she may have not understood exactly what it was or wasn't. And yet, with all the anger that had happened, with all the so called over protectiveness of the parent, she and I crossed paths once again. And nothing happened. All I said was thank you once she had checked out my items and to put the receipt in the case of the last DVD. And I could have pulled out a knife and killed her, or I could have also, like I did, nothing.
Things remain with us. It was just another day.
Comments
Post a Comment