ER and The Booty House
It has been said that if you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence. Dare I say that the same applies to one who has been admitted to the hospital or going through a divorce, as all three are like nightmares that you are never going to wake up from. Some may say that the three may be worlds apart, but they are somewhat similar when you think about it. You're confined to a place with others suffering but in just as much pain and mental illness as you, others are angry that you ended up there, and you want it to be over and done with as much as possible. Forget about sleeping or being comfortable. Of course, I have never been to jail for any reason. I know enough about jail to know that there is nothing pleasant about being incarcerated. For those who do not believe that, I say they don't have to listen to me but go there themselves and find out. Also, I have never been through a divorce, but know that it too is like a nightmare you never wake up from. For a time, you are forced to live in the same living space with another person who does not want to be with you. You are fighting over the smallest things like who forgot to fasten the cap on the salad dressing bottle to who gets to keep a trivial thing from the house that either of you could care less about. And then there's finances and spying and countless screaming at one another about what will or won't happen once you have at last not living in the same dwelling. Hospital stays are similar, save for the fact that you are being awakened at different times and places by staff sticking cold, metal instruments in you and checking your vitals. In terms of friendships, those who are truly your friends and who are truly not also show themselves in these situations. Ones who cannot be there to visit are at least calling and sending flowers, those who really care for you will come to your side to keep you from being lonely and bored. I found this out when I was hospitalized for four days over ten years ago. Four days of boredom and being cooperative with the staff when you are grumpy, suffering and unable to bathe as easily because you have IV shunts in your arms makes for someone to be easily testy with others. Visits by friends mean a lot when you are in such a place.
I found out there were those who were not really my friends when this happened to me. Once I was in the hospital and word spread that I was holed up with tubes up my nose and I was inhaling aerosols of medications, the one person who I really wanted to come and see me said that he would not come by that day. This was the only day he had to totally relax and he was going to enjoy his evening before the TV, like he did just about every night. As if there weren't enough red flags before hand, that was probably the biggest one. Ah well, it's what it is I guess. If someone can't take a few minutes out to see you under such conditions then they aren't anyone's real friend. Once I got out of the hospital, I vowed then and there that should someone ever be in need I would spare a few minutes out of my day to see them. It's a small thing but a big one at the same time.
The first odd hospital visit on my part came when I played rescuer to an older woman in my apartment building. A few years ago, I parked my car in the garage one evening after work and walked through the basement commons area to hear someone calling for help. After some investigation, I found the woman had fallen down in one of the side passageways and had obviously broken her hip as her leg was bent the other way. I called 911 on my cell, then said I would just be gone a few minutes as I would go upstairs, meet the paramedics and show them how to get down to her. She said "I hope I'm not holding you up from anything, dear." I laughed "Lady, you broke your hip! Don't worry about holding ME up from anything!" Once the EMS had come down to the scene and were moving her around to their gurney, I asked if there was anything else she needed before she left. She asked me to call her son and let him know of her hospital transport, which I did. Just before they were going to take her away, I asked if there was anything else she needed before she left. She said "Well, there was one more thing if it's not too much trouble ... I was on my way to throw the garbage out, could you throw that out for me?" I said "Yes, I can throw your garbage out for you." The next day I went to the hospital to see her, because since she was older I didn't know if she had any friends who would come and visit. She was happy to see me, as just about everyone is who in forced confinement is, and I even dropped in to see her once when she was in the nursing home for her rehab and recovery.
Thanks to Facebook, I found another who was in the hospital. We had only met once about two years ago, funny story. I went to the Grog Shop to see Michael Ian Black, famed hipster comic, come and entertain the masses. After muscling my way to the front of the room, I came upon two cute boys who were in the front row in nervous anticipation of his entrance. We get to chatting, I said to them that the last time MIB was in town, I was the blessed one (part of his act) to pull someone on stage and be the target of opportunity. Having witnessed this before, the audience member that ends up on stage is so intimidated by being in front of a huge group of people that they will freeze and allow themselves to be poked fun of. Once it became clear that I was going to be the one he would pull on stage, I decided to turn the tables on him and be as comfortable as possible speaking before a large group. And just because it was brought up, I decided to make it all about me and the biggest dream that I always wanted to achieve, which was to meet Morten Harket from a-ha. And I did, and I showed MIB the photo of me and Morten that I carry in my wallet. The audience was a bunch of a-ha haters, but I was a good sport about it. Ha ha ha ... For more information, copy and paste the link below. (You can't see much of anything in the video thanks to the poor lighting, but the audio is pretty funny.)
http://www.myspace.com/shag_dog/videos/video/22109388
I wonder if they believed me at first, I saw doubt in their eyes. But once I took a photo of him on my phone with a flash that obviously pissed off MIB, he turned towards my direction to chew out the offensive audience member when he saw my face in the crowd looking up at him. "I know you, don't I?" he asked. "Yes you do." From there, he saw his mission and pulled me up onto the stage again to entertain the masses. There were a few who were there the last time he was in town and witnessed us, and I gave a brilliant performance. Maybe someone out there has it on their phone, but I have yet to find it. Afterward, me and the two waited for MIB to come out of the dressing room. I had him sign the five dollar bill that he gave me for helping me with his comedy act, the other two had their pictures taken with him. As it was on my phone, I friended the two of them on Facebook in order for them to get their copies of said coveted picture. From there, we did not interact much save for a few postings and IMs. Otherwise S and L were just Facebook friends.
About two weeks ago, one posted a photo of him with a brand new, shiny red car and a broad smile which he titled "the new whip". A scant few days later, there was a story on the news as well as postings that the brand new whip was no longer. That gorgeous car was now a twisted, mangled wreck that had wrapped itself around a telephone pole. Details leading up to this event I will not get into because I AIN'T CRAZY, but I was horrified. He had suffered two broken feet, a fractured wrist, three broken ribs, concussion, and fourteen stitches in his other arm. And since he posted it on Facebook, I decided to pay him a visit at the hospital.
When I got to the hospital reception desk I had a situation. I had no idea if the name he used on Facebook was his real name or not, but by a stroke of luck the receptionist found that he had only spelled his last name with a Pf rather than an F and I found the guy immediately! When I walked in, I found him behind the curtain in his hospital bed with two others who looked like they were about twelve years old (but that's the old woman in me talking). He looked at me at first with confusion, but then he said "Oh I remember you!" Hey, it's the world we live in I guess. Unfortunately for him, I think he's going to be facing a lot of legal ramifications for his car accident, but he is lucky to be alive. Two broken feet, one ankle fractured, fractured wrist, three broken ribs, concussion, and fourteen stitches in his other arm. The girl with him looked at me oddly, but I said that since he had posted on Facebook I was here to see him because ... He was my friend, I guess. People die, you go to their funerals. People are hospitalized, you go see them in the hospital. People are jailed ... Well, you step aside and let it be. People get divorced, you do the same. Chances are I won't see him again, but I wanted to extend my sympathies to his condition. It's a miracle that he's still alive and emerged burned but not a quadriplegic or brain damaged.
And it was such a quick visit that I only stayed barely thirty minutes and the parking was free. Another miracle.
I found out there were those who were not really my friends when this happened to me. Once I was in the hospital and word spread that I was holed up with tubes up my nose and I was inhaling aerosols of medications, the one person who I really wanted to come and see me said that he would not come by that day. This was the only day he had to totally relax and he was going to enjoy his evening before the TV, like he did just about every night. As if there weren't enough red flags before hand, that was probably the biggest one. Ah well, it's what it is I guess. If someone can't take a few minutes out to see you under such conditions then they aren't anyone's real friend. Once I got out of the hospital, I vowed then and there that should someone ever be in need I would spare a few minutes out of my day to see them. It's a small thing but a big one at the same time.
The first odd hospital visit on my part came when I played rescuer to an older woman in my apartment building. A few years ago, I parked my car in the garage one evening after work and walked through the basement commons area to hear someone calling for help. After some investigation, I found the woman had fallen down in one of the side passageways and had obviously broken her hip as her leg was bent the other way. I called 911 on my cell, then said I would just be gone a few minutes as I would go upstairs, meet the paramedics and show them how to get down to her. She said "I hope I'm not holding you up from anything, dear." I laughed "Lady, you broke your hip! Don't worry about holding ME up from anything!" Once the EMS had come down to the scene and were moving her around to their gurney, I asked if there was anything else she needed before she left. She asked me to call her son and let him know of her hospital transport, which I did. Just before they were going to take her away, I asked if there was anything else she needed before she left. She said "Well, there was one more thing if it's not too much trouble ... I was on my way to throw the garbage out, could you throw that out for me?" I said "Yes, I can throw your garbage out for you." The next day I went to the hospital to see her, because since she was older I didn't know if she had any friends who would come and visit. She was happy to see me, as just about everyone is who in forced confinement is, and I even dropped in to see her once when she was in the nursing home for her rehab and recovery.
Thanks to Facebook, I found another who was in the hospital. We had only met once about two years ago, funny story. I went to the Grog Shop to see Michael Ian Black, famed hipster comic, come and entertain the masses. After muscling my way to the front of the room, I came upon two cute boys who were in the front row in nervous anticipation of his entrance. We get to chatting, I said to them that the last time MIB was in town, I was the blessed one (part of his act) to pull someone on stage and be the target of opportunity. Having witnessed this before, the audience member that ends up on stage is so intimidated by being in front of a huge group of people that they will freeze and allow themselves to be poked fun of. Once it became clear that I was going to be the one he would pull on stage, I decided to turn the tables on him and be as comfortable as possible speaking before a large group. And just because it was brought up, I decided to make it all about me and the biggest dream that I always wanted to achieve, which was to meet Morten Harket from a-ha. And I did, and I showed MIB the photo of me and Morten that I carry in my wallet. The audience was a bunch of a-ha haters, but I was a good sport about it. Ha ha ha ... For more information, copy and paste the link below. (You can't see much of anything in the video thanks to the poor lighting, but the audio is pretty funny.)
http://www.myspace.com/shag_dog/videos/video/22109388
I wonder if they believed me at first, I saw doubt in their eyes. But once I took a photo of him on my phone with a flash that obviously pissed off MIB, he turned towards my direction to chew out the offensive audience member when he saw my face in the crowd looking up at him. "I know you, don't I?" he asked. "Yes you do." From there, he saw his mission and pulled me up onto the stage again to entertain the masses. There were a few who were there the last time he was in town and witnessed us, and I gave a brilliant performance. Maybe someone out there has it on their phone, but I have yet to find it. Afterward, me and the two waited for MIB to come out of the dressing room. I had him sign the five dollar bill that he gave me for helping me with his comedy act, the other two had their pictures taken with him. As it was on my phone, I friended the two of them on Facebook in order for them to get their copies of said coveted picture. From there, we did not interact much save for a few postings and IMs. Otherwise S and L were just Facebook friends.
About two weeks ago, one posted a photo of him with a brand new, shiny red car and a broad smile which he titled "the new whip". A scant few days later, there was a story on the news as well as postings that the brand new whip was no longer. That gorgeous car was now a twisted, mangled wreck that had wrapped itself around a telephone pole. Details leading up to this event I will not get into because I AIN'T CRAZY, but I was horrified. He had suffered two broken feet, a fractured wrist, three broken ribs, concussion, and fourteen stitches in his other arm. And since he posted it on Facebook, I decided to pay him a visit at the hospital.
When I got to the hospital reception desk I had a situation. I had no idea if the name he used on Facebook was his real name or not, but by a stroke of luck the receptionist found that he had only spelled his last name with a Pf rather than an F and I found the guy immediately! When I walked in, I found him behind the curtain in his hospital bed with two others who looked like they were about twelve years old (but that's the old woman in me talking). He looked at me at first with confusion, but then he said "Oh I remember you!" Hey, it's the world we live in I guess. Unfortunately for him, I think he's going to be facing a lot of legal ramifications for his car accident, but he is lucky to be alive. Two broken feet, one ankle fractured, fractured wrist, three broken ribs, concussion, and fourteen stitches in his other arm. The girl with him looked at me oddly, but I said that since he had posted on Facebook I was here to see him because ... He was my friend, I guess. People die, you go to their funerals. People are hospitalized, you go see them in the hospital. People are jailed ... Well, you step aside and let it be. People get divorced, you do the same. Chances are I won't see him again, but I wanted to extend my sympathies to his condition. It's a miracle that he's still alive and emerged burned but not a quadriplegic or brain damaged.
And it was such a quick visit that I only stayed barely thirty minutes and the parking was free. Another miracle.
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